Simon's £1m egomobile: High maintenance, a few miles on the clock... but which does he love more - his wheels or his woman?
For those who have never driven one, the Bugatti Veyron - the fastest, most powerful and, at £1million, costliest production car ever made - must seem obscene.
The top speed it has clocked in a test drive by a racing driver is 253mph - a third of the speed of sound and 240mph more than the average speed on the traffic-choked streets of Los Angeles.
This is clearly no deterrent to Simon Cowell, who was pictured this week driving his pride and joy around the world's entertainment capital.
Enlarge 
King of the road: Simon Cowell in his Bugatti this week with his fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy
Boy racer: Simon's pricey car is his pride and joy
I know why he loves it so much. Shortly after the Veyron was launched in 2005, I was given the chance to drive one of these extraordinary vehicles for a couple of hours. And the experience is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Opening up a Veyron in third gear on a straight, empty motorway is the most sensational driving experience possible. Nothing short of a jet-fighter will outgun a Bugatti.
But perhaps the most impressive thing about driving a Veyron is how civilised it is: even at 170mph (as fast as I dared), the steering wheel didn't move a millimetre. There is no wind or tyre noise - driver and passenger are encased in leather-lined, air-conditioned comfort.
Just 220 have been made, on an individual basis for each customer, in a factory in Alsace, north-west France, that reminded me of the Nasa spacecraft assembly works.
If you are serious about buying one, you will be met at the factory by Bugatti's test driver, Pierre-Henri Raphanel. Most customers arrive by private jet.
It takes more than 400 hours to make a Veyron by hand, and that doesn't include the time taken to fabricate the components - Italian carbon-fibre chassis, British gearbox and German engine. The attention to detail is so extraordinary that the price seems almost reasonable.
Volkswagen, which owns the Bugatti marque, estimates there are only 6,000 people in the world wealthy enough to buy and run a Veyron. These cars are not bought by Premier League footballers or their WAGs - they are simply not rich enough.
Apart from Cowell, Bugatti owners include Ralph Lauren, Tom Cruise and U.S. talk-show host Jay Leno.
There are more than 40 Veyrons in this country. A few are owned by Brits, but most are in the hands of wealthy Russian oligarchs and oil-rich Arabs.
According to Jack Barclay, Britain's only Bugatti dealership, Veyron owners are 'more committed' to driving their cars than most super-car owners. Several do 'proper mileages' in their pride and joy.
They are attracted to the power - 0mph to 60mph in a shade under 2.5 seconds - and practicality: the Haldex four-wheel-drive ensures perfect traction, so it's handy in the snow.
Luxury: Simon and his prospective bride-to-be enjoy a ride in the sleek motor
Competition: While the music mogul takes obvious joy in his car, his body language with his fiancee seems uncomfortable, as was evident as they kissed on the Tonight Show
It is fair to say the Veyron is not a green car. At legal speeds, it will do an almost respectable 15mpg. But open the throttle and this drops to 2.5mpg.
The 20-gallon petrol tank will empty in just 12 minutes. However, the Veyron does take ordinary unleaded petrol. Probably the cheapest components are the small titanium bolts that hold everything together. They cost £50 each.
The Veyron weighs two tonnes, giving it a power-to-weight ratio of 500bhp/tonne.
The Caterham R500, a lightweight, no-frills British sports car, will match that for just £37,000 and was faster round the BBC Top Gear test track.
In a straight line, however, the Bugatti will leave the Caterham for dust.
In theory (given empty roads, perfect weather and fast pitstops for petrol and new tyres), a Veyron could drive from Land's End to John o'Groats in three hours or cross the U.S. in ten.
Unlike most hypercars, the Bugatti is quite happy pootling round town; it doesn't even have a problem with speed bumps, though there is not enough room for the bags of super-market shopping.
With one exception, wherever you drive it, the Veyron will turn heads: patriotic traffic police near the Alsace factory are known to turn a blind eye to the cars being 'exercised' on local roads.
Sleek: It takes more than 400 hours to make a Bugatti Veyron by hand
Keeping up appearances: Simon and Mezhgan are sure to always travel in style
As well as state-of-the-art stereos and sat navs, Bugattis seem to be equipped with a device that renders them invisible to French speed cameras.
Despite the million-pound price tag, Project Veyron is not a money- spinner for Volkswagen. In fact, it is estimated to have cost the company half a billion euros.
When you buy a Golf or Polo, you are subsidising the superwealthy who buy Veyrons. For VW, the car exists to show off its engineering dominance.
The Veyron was the brainchild of Ferdinand Piech, the former VW Group chairman. His aim was to produce a car that could outpace a F1 vehicle, be as comfortable as a Bentley and as reliable as a family Golf.
These cars are extremely well-made and most will probably still be on the road in 100 years time - if there is still petrol to fuel them.
So, what's the chance of picking up a used Veyron at a good price? Few come onto the second-hand market, but when they do, £700,000 is the minimum price.
These are often distress sales - recession victims who can no longer afford the astronomical financial commitment such a car demands.
So, you certainly won't see a sticker-festooned Veyron on the forecourt of your local second-hand dealership.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1257585/Simons-1m-egomobile-High-maintenance-miles-clock--does-love--wheels-woman.html#ixzz0i5L0kZB0
